Anxious as Always

I feel like crap today. Lately, nothing goes according to my plan. Everything is just wrong. I planned things in life. I love to plan every single thing in my life: what I'll do tomorrow, next week, next month, next years, or in the next few years, what I'll eat, what I have to be able to achieve, etc. I live by planning things. I love things that is on schedule, organized and come out perfect. I hate any disruptions! Surprise, in this case, doesn't thrill me.
I like things in order. Not only schedule, but I'm also talking about stuffs around the house. Messy house kills me. OMG! seriously, now I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. Geez, it is really hard when you put things where they should be at, then people start throwing and moving them around. House is my place to get peace, which I rare feel when in the apt.
Anyways, talking about surprise and all the shocking things. How do you feel when you work your hardest to make something work, but the result is just disappointing? Why does life not go as you expect it to be? When we were kids, we all have big dreams. Then, it started to disappear, consumed by the bitter reality in the world. When I try to stick on my vision, the other part of me says that I'm delusional. This is not an easy time for my personal life. I have to find jobs, make money, etc. I find it embarrassing not to earn any income, I mean at least you could cover your personal expense. So, here I am trying to do my last semester in the university, work, dance, and learning a new language (not to mention keeping my sanity). What I fear the most is: what if I fail in this life? What if I don't find a job with good pay? What if I am never gonna be able to make my parents' life better? (I mean after what all they have done to me-- meaning never say no to any of my request, literally--) I just have to find ways to live my dreams. I don't know what and how, but I just have to. This transition times really puts me under a lot of pressure and anxiety. What if I make the wrong decision, take the wrong steps? I believe my future is determined by choices I made. I'm afraid I'm going to make a fatal choice, and that would be all for me. Being nothing scares me. Let me rephrase that: Being less-than-what-I-believe-I'm-set-out-to-be scares me.
P.S.: I feel bad for sharing something depressing, but not a lot of inspiration I could get in a state like this. So probably, just see it as me sharing my growing up experience, eh?!

"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
"To be happy, resign as general manager of the universe." ~ RevRun